Thursday, March 16, 2006

loving the tranquil solitude

Tanhaayi Se Pyaar karo..”.

I heard this line in some song in the FM Radio and actually kept a notice of it. Because I think that’s what I am doing now. Loving the solitude in my house, in my office and everywhere now. I am not sure if I am keeping it purposefully to avoid people. I got a recent comment about my that attitude from my best friend. The situation was when I met his fiancé and we had a good talk till we parted. And when she reported it to my friend. He asked – “Did he smile at you?”, she replied – “I didn’t see a smile, but he talked to me.” And when he told me about that, I am thinking – Am I loosing how to smile :( I don’t know.


I know I was not like this before. I was quite an extrovert and made my comments come what may. I was an angry “young” man hating and trying to change the world. Ahem :-) But when I realized my comments are hurting people, I become more careful about talking and meeting up with them. Especially while I met a new guy/gal I made it sure that I don’t involve with that person more and I don’t speak out any unwanted comment. But still somewhere I was loving loneliness. Losing a couple of friends here and there were reasons too, but the end of the day I think I have only myself to blame. Reluctance to embrace the new ones but keeping onto the existing ones.

And now in this new environment, I feel alone. Because there is no one around me whom I know. The one I know seems to have forgotten me as a friend even after our 11 years of friendship. I miss the jangoists, I miss loitering and I can’t even have a pretty good drink – for I am against drinking alone and What Not. Only good thing in this solitude is the books I read :-)

Remembering a beautiful song by Raveendran Sir sung by P. Jayachandran.

Eekakiyaam Ninte Swapnangalkokkeyum Ezhu Swarangal Chiraku Nalki
SnehaKshathangalaal Novum Manassil Chekeruvaanayi, Paari Parannu Poyi
Paari Paari Parannu Poyi

Somewhere deep down the heart I am loving this solitude. I am sure

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

God,
Please help this lonely soul find eternal peace and joy.

--Some one you know(not sure if it was as a friend!)

Suneesh said...

I am seeing frustrations of a bachelor...move on, get married!

Dhanush said...

@suneesh - Nah, its not frustrations of a bachelor. I am enjoying this, just that people like you are not around to have a good time ;)

@anonymous - Someone I Know and surely as a friend - Thanks

Anonymous said...

Dhanush,

ur article truly expresses my feelings now. I dont want to talk to anyone, wanted to be left alone. was really missing my friends in tvm.

but being in an office environment u cant be left alone. u have to attend mettings, telecons, doubts and clarifications etc ....


to pass time I decided to go thro the blog sites. came across ur article.
truly really it expresses my feelings. I like the last line very much - "Somewhere deep down the heart I am loving this solitude. I am sure"

- Shami