life as such..

Life this year has been more of deaths all around. Apart from the famous, there have been many a deaths in my family too. My Vallyachan's death was a shock to us, especially when no one expected it. He was down and out and there was a time when we all thought he wouldn't survive another day, but he made it and then lived for another year more in proper health, and then one fine morning he passed away in his sleep. How cruel life is? I was in Chennai, when Achan called up and informed about his death. I didn't know what to do for a few minutes. I was acting weird, finding a means to return home at the earliest. I couldn't reach vallyachan's house on time, but only the next day when the cremation was over. And all I could do was that.

Narayanettan was an all rounder in my Dad's family. He is my uncle's brother in law, and was an omnipresent personality. Marriage or house warming or any other function he will be there. A nice person who always enquired my studies and job. Cancer it was. Probably I am thankful to god here as I never saw him after he was diagnosed with cancer. My parents said the chemotherapy and medicines had weakened him. I went after his death and paid my respects. My memory of him is intact in my mind. The completely grayed hair, the white dhothi and shirt and the black bag all remains intact in my mind.

People whom we grew up with, whom we heard of and admire while growing up. All of them are turning old and slowly fading away. Some are sudden, while some are gradual. We can't bear it. And at times we feel so helpless. Sometimes so un-educated or un-informed like what happened with me today. I was pinging a friend of mine in the chat after not seeing her for a long time. She appeared quite serious, which was really opposite to her cheerful character. I didn't mind to bother her any further and bid her good bye and logged out. And then I checked out my blog to see an update on her blog where she wrote these -

"No one to care, no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to give advice, no one to fight with, no one to ask for an opinion, no one to bother even if I die in the middle of the road..

I was dumb stuck and almost in tears as I read those lines. I didn't know when I chatted with her that the person who completed her Home had gone far far away from her. I didn't know what all she was going through when she replied me "what u think?" for my question -"something serious?". I didn't know that she had just lost her mother. I didn't know. And as I logged in back, I didn't see her. I was helpless and didn't know what to do. There was no means to contact, and there were no words to say. And I felt so bad. Life is again being cruel.

A few days before one of my friend's father passed away. That too was a sudden one. My friend had just become a dad and he was rushing between his new born kid and ailing father. His father had his last breath an hour before my friend reached his bedside, to show his new born kid to his father. Life is just being so cruel.

These are just time when we fell so helpless and inconsolable. We feel in this life we have done everything and feel contented to have a good steady job, a good family, a good education. And yet at times like these we do not know what to do.

Life as such is just getting lonely I should say. There have been a lot more of reading going into my thought process. And its with reading one grow - "Vaayichu Valaruka". I hope I can grow too. The biggest achievement I did in recent months would be my completion of a story, which was done in a time bound manner. I should be thankful to my friend Joju who suggested my name to Prabhodhini Vayanasala Editors in Bangalore for an article. And for the first time in my life I wrote a story under the compulsion of a dead line. I hope it appear. And as I go into the last quarter of the year, as I get ready for a new year, I hope I can do whatever I believe to do. To go home more often, to travel and see places, to read a lot and write a bit.

I hope.